We do some pretty serious research around here at CivicScience. Some of the smartest people in the world spend countless hours mulling over hundreds of millions of poll responses and near-infinite lines of code. Sometimes, especially after a massive code release like we had this week, when burn-out is near, things can get weird. Today was one of those days.

So this internal “meme” started flying around the office message board entitled: Poll Questions that Should Have “Only When I’m Drunk” as an Answer Option.

What followed was a drop in company-wide productivity that would make Henry Ford roll over in his grave. Keep in mind that over 39,000 unique question IDs exist in our database – that’s 39,000+ poll questions that have been written by us, by our web publisher partners, our clients, and our friends. And I swear “Only when I’m drunk” could be an answer option for nearly half of them. Here are a few favorites my compatriots discovered today:

The one that started the whole thing:OWID Bacon Pizza

Bacon and Pizza? Sure. If I was drunk.

And another easy one:



Surely a large portion of Uber and Lyft riders are drunk. That’s the point, right?

This next one might be universally true…OWID White Castle

Ah, White Castle. How about this next one? AmIright? OWID Budweiser

Guilty as charged…

OWID Cigarettes

Whoa. OK. Sometimes it feels like this:OWID Cigarettes #2 

Yeah, if you’ve been to Vegas enough times this could be you…OWID Money Transfer

Wiring money drunk is classy.

While we’re on the topic of Vegas…OWID 5AM

Nothing like seeing the sunrise when you’re loaded.

This next one was my personal favorite: OWID Concerts


And this is why you own seven salad spinners…OWID Infomercials

But it’s better to shop drunk on TV than while at Toys ‘R Us with your wife. Testify!OWID Spouse Argument

I’m pretty sure our Employee Manual addresses this next one…OWID Work email

Drunk work emailing? How about drunk coding? Not what you want to see from a bunch of software programmers…OWID Front of a computer

OK. Now this is a little more like it…OWID Congress

Drunk lobbying? Sure.

But no drunk time travel. You definitely wouldn’t want to accidentally end up back in the 1980s…OWID Time Travel

And now on to libraries. Wait what? We definitely need to keep a closer eye on the dude that posted this one below. He might be drunk right now…OWID Libraries

This next one is only hilarious because it was posted by a dude…OWID Spanx

Trust me, the thought of this guy hammered while wearing Spanx is the funniest thing ever.

Like this one below, because it was from a particularly quiet (and now feared) female member of the team…practice-martial-arts-level

“Dude, did you see how much that guy looked like his Labridoodle?”OWID Dogs People

And finally, some days it’s truer than others…

OWID Happy

Happy Weekend everyone. #OnlyWhenImDrunk