News flash: The world is fine because the only thing that matters is Angelina Jolie, and she’s still kicking. That’s what I choose to tell myself at least. Though it may be slightly dramatic, can we all just admit how cool she is?

Besides for her being the coolest, she’s also like…. a really good person. She’s devoted countless hours to advocacy for those without voices, and has welcomed numerous children without homes into her family.

Despite it all, Angelina has done an amazing job of staying out of the spotlight. But recently, her name has yet again flooded the headlines. Throwback to 2005, anyone?

Judge Denies Brad Pitt’s Request to Keep Angelina Jolie Divorce Details Private…for Now (E! News)
Brangelina divorce: Angelina Jolie wants the six children to remain close to Brad Pitt (Economic Times)
Angelina Jolie returns to spotlight for the first time since Brad Pitt split (Fox News)

These headlines have surfaced only over the past few days, and the list could go on and on. In the midst of a seemingly vicious divorce, this fierce femme fatale could probably use some cheering up, right? With the full certainty that she’ll be reading this (Hi Angelina!), what better way to do that than to profile her long-standing, through-thick-and-thin fans? My gift from me to you, Mrs. Smith.

1) Angelina fans are Gen Xers. Fans of Angelina are more likely to be from Generation X. Though it sounds like a movie title she’d star in, no, it’s just code word for 35-54 year olds. Given that Angelina herself is a Gen Xer, this definitely makes sense.

2) They radiate Angelina’s confidence. Fans of Angelina are 13% more likely than non-fans to say they’re more physically attractive than others their age and gender, and their confidence doesn’t stop there. 60% of fans say they make decisions quickly and confidently.

3) Porsches all the way. They’re 20% more likely to favor Porsche cars. But wait, there’s more.

4) Cars for days. They’re more likely to favor pretty much all cars! Yes, everything from Jeep to BMWs. Maybe this love of cars stems from their deep-seated love for Angelina’s roles in movies like Wanted and Gone in 60 Seconds (whoa, remember that one?). Her bad-girl influence doesn’t stop there.

5) Booze and Cigs. Fans of Angelina are more likely to smoke cigarettes, and are also more likely to drink brown spirits regularly. Word on the street is that Angelina drinks whiskey like water. Would you be surprised? But deep down, fans are really just giant teddy bears…

6) Can you say, Maleficent? But really, though, can you say it? Her role in this Disney movie was genius. It comes as no surprise, then, that Angelina fans are 72% more likely to say they are “very likely” to see a new Disney movie when it comes out.

7) They’re emotional. Though 86% of our respondents say they’re usually most convinced by logical arguments, that doesn’t include Angelina fans. not Angelina fans! They’re more likely to be convinced by how they feel. Angelina would be impressed, I’m sure.

8) They’re feminists. And by feminists, I mean they see things how they are. A few months ago we asked the question, “Do you think men and women are treated equally in the US?” 69% of the general population responded “No”, but among these folks? 89% of them answered no, equally among men and women. Angelina is not only fabulous, but she is having a sincerely positive impact on the world as well.

9) Let’s talk about brands. Fans of Angelina are more likely to favor some unexpected brands and businesses. They’re 19% more likely to favor Reebok, 25% more likely to favor Red Bull, 9% more likely to favor Costco, and 16% more likely to favor Apple computers.

Finally…

10) Brangelina lives forever. Despite their spousal woes, Brad and Angelina are still tied together by their fans. The strongest correlation we found is that fans of Angelina are much more likely to be fans of Brad Pitt. In fact, T=.387. If you don’t know what that is, don’t worry (it’s a way to measure strength in correlation), and if you do, are you shocked or what? I’m not sure if Angelina would be too happy about this, but I’m sure if worse comes to worse, her fans would have her back over Brad’s. Sorry Brad.

So, there you have it. If you’re reading this, Angelina (silly semantics, I know) hopefully this cheers you up! And if you’re not (though highly unlikely), I hope that fans and non-fans alike have gotten crucial information out of this life-altering, universe-transforming blog post!

P.S. Why does autocorrect not recognize “Brangelina”? Has Google already decided the fate of their relationship? Too soon, Google. Too soon.

Interested in other media insights? Check out our recent posts on the potential downfall of the Kardashians, and 5 fun facts about Matt Damon fans!